When other kids were going to the zoo, I was going to visit my father in jail.
That’s not a sentence most leadership books start with.
But then again, most leadership lessons don’t come from a little girl standing in her grandmother’s kitchen, being told to leave by her father’s mistress.
I was living in Apartment 17. My grandparents lived in Apartment 15. Apartment 15 was my safe place. It was where I drank hot chocolate, ate pan dulce, listened to family stories, and felt connected.
Then one day, a new woman showed up. My father’s mistress and one day she told me to leave.
Now, she probably thought she was talking to a scared little girl. She wasn’t. I looked at her and basically said, “B*tch, I was here before you and I’ll be here after you.”
At the time, I thought I was just talking back. What I didn’t realize was that I was learning one of the most important lessons of my life:
A Chingona does not abandon herself to make other people comfortable.
Years later, I would find myself sitting in corporate conference rooms facing the exact same energy.
Different people.
Different clothes.
Different titles.
Same power struggle.
New leaders would arrive and immediately start establishing territory. Some wanted collaboration. Others wanted compliance. And some wanted people like me to disappear quietly.
The problem? I wasn’t built for quiet, not because I’m difficult, but because I survived.
Survival Creates Skills Nobody Talks About
People love talking about resilience after they’ve packaged it into a leadership competency.
What they don’t talk about is where resilience comes from. Sometimes resilience comes from chaos. Sometimes strategic awareness comes from growing up in unpredictable environments. Sometimes emotional intelligence comes from spending your childhood reading rooms to determine whether today was going to be peaceful or explosive.
Many Latinas know exactly what I’m talking about. We learned to read energy before we learned algebra. We learned to adapt before we learned strategy. We learned how to navigate personalities before we ever stepped into a boardroom. What corporate America calls executive presence today was survival yesterday.
The Chingona Dilemma Nobody Talks About
Recently during a meditation, I had a realization that hit me hard. I saw abundance. Gold coins. Money. Opportunity.
Then it disappeared and my father appeared. In that moment, I realized something many high-achieving women never say out loud: Part of me felt guilty for thriving. Not because I didn’t earn it. Not because I wasn’t capable because I had surpassed the circumstances I came from.
Many of us become successful and still carry emotional loyalty to struggle. We buy the house but feel guilty. We get the promotion but feel guilty. We build the business but feel guilty. We become the first. The only. The exception. The one who made it. And somehow we think succeeding means we’ve betrayed where we came from.
That’s a lie.
Chingona Energy Is Not About Being Loud
People think Chingona energy is being the loudest person in the room. It’s not.
Chingona energy is trusting yourself when everyone else is questioning you. It’s standing your ground when somebody wants your seat. It’s owning your accomplishments without apologizing for them. It’s understanding that your success is not the reason someone else is struggling. It’s realizing that visibility is not betrayal and it’s accepting that not everyone is coming with you.
That last one hurts.
Because many of us spent our entire lives trying to save everybody.
The family.
The team.
The coworker.
The friend.
The partner.
We thought success would heal the pain around us. The effing reality is that sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes success simply reveals what was already there.
The Real Work
The real work is not becoming successful. Many of you already know how to do that. The real work is learning safety after survival. Learning that you don’t have to stay small. Learning that you don’t have to explain your success. Learning that you don’t have to earn your seat every single day. Learning that you can love your family without abandoning yourself. Learning that you can honor where you came from without shrinking to fit inside it forever.
Because here’s what I know:
Some of us were raised around chaos and still became strategy. Some of us were raised around struggle and still became abundance. Some of us were raised around survival and still became leaders.
That’s Chingona energy.
Not because life was easy because it wasn’t. Because despite everything, you showed up anyway.
And that, mija, is powerful.
Miriam Simon is a certified executive coach and publisher. She is on a mission to bridge the wage gap. To give voice to the voiceless. To give platforms for visibility, credibility and complete and utter empowerment. Learn more at https://www.MiriamSimon.online
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